Friday, January 15, 2010

Mother, Part 4 of 6

Mother. I did not arrive at this one through standard routes. 15 years with my ex and we never achieved pregnancy. We did all the medical interventions and it never worked. Test results said we were both healthy and there really wasn’t anything specific causing the infertility. Oh yeah? Looking back I think it was God. He knew what my ex would do and knew that if we had kids I would have “stayed for the sake of the kids”. Well, I don’t think that would have been the right thing to do. I am happier and more fulfilled now than I ever remember. I don’t think I was supposed to stay. I think I was to obey God and follow His timeline, hence the attempts at reconciliation, but I think He planned this life for me.
Tony has 3 kids that were 15, 17, and 20 when we got married. His son, the 17 year old had moved in with Tony about 6 months before the wedding, so I was an instant step mom, more in title than anything else. I knew better than to expect them to like and accept me, and especially to think that I’d have any kind of mothering role in their lives, so I didn’t push mothering. I was there, and I hope I provided a positive influence. It’s been 3 and a half years since we got married and I think they’re relaxing a bit around me, and vice versa. We had a nice visit from his oldest daughter recently and his son includes me in his mass text messages. All 3 have accepted friend invites on facebook. Progress, but not mom stuff.
10 months after we married, I looked into becoming foster parents. A few months later we started the classes and the day after we received certification our first child was placed with us. He’s been with us over two years now. There’s another series in itself! For all intents and purposes he’s ours, but the state doesn’t recognize that yet. He thinks he’s ours or that we’re his, whichever way you want to look at it. So yeah, I’m a mom, but that could change with the whims of the judge.

Will Tony and I use medical intervention? I don’t know. I have mixed feelings about it and would need to have them reconciled before going down that road. Foreign or domestic adoption? Perhaps. I think we’re waiting to see what happens with our current foster situation.

This is the dream unfulfilled. I go through seasons where I think this is a case of letting go of dime store pearls, but then I hear a teaching that says to never give up on your hopes and dreams. For now, I just take it a day at a time and take what God gives me!